How to Choose a Martial Art

1. Set a budget. Some arts require a significant investment in equipment. For example, Kendo armor can run up to $1,000 US for a high end set, while Karate requires only a white cotton uniform. There's no point in getting interested in something you ultimately can't afford to do.
2. Determine your ultimate objective. The four major categories are usually as follows. (a) Health & Fitness with martial efficacy as a subordinate benefit. (b) Martial skill as the primary concern with a nice side dish of discipline and health & fitness. (c) Being part of a heritage and cultural tradition stretching back hundreds or thousands (depending on the art) of years. (d) Winning trophies in sporting events.
3. Decide on a martial arts style. You might choose a hard style, such as Muay Thai (Thailand) or Western Boxing, a semi-hard style such as Tae Kwon Do or Hapkido (Korea), a soft style traditional art, such as Aikido (Japan) or one of the many Kung Fu styles (China), or a grappling/ground fighting art, such as Jiu Jitsu (Brazil/ Japan) and Western Martial Arts (Europe). Do you want to compete one-on-one in the ring with opponents who use the same style as you, or study the traditions of a particular culture's martial art, or learn to defend yourself against real-life attackers on the street? The training methods are vastly different, and most martial arts schools focus on one aspect. Any school that purports to make you the king of the ring plus a fully effective battleground warrior plus healthy and fit plus part of a cultural heritage is heading for "Jack of all trades and master of none" territory.
4. Recognize your physical limitations. If you are older or not very acrobatic, Wushu (China) probably isn't for you, but Tai Chi (China) might suit you nicely. Furthermore, recognize that striking martial arts like Karate or TaeKwonDo may or may not be well-suited for smaller physiques. The grappling styles of Judo, Aikido, or Jiu-Jutsu, while being close-combat styled martial arts, emphasize technique and leverage and therefore become more readily useful as you progress. Likewise the combative Chinese styles are all about technique and are less dependent on your being a particular height or weight to succeed.
5. Consider your cultural interests. If you have a respect for or interest in a certain culture, learning more through one of their martial arts can be a great experience. If that is part of your goal, choose a school taught by a native of that culture, or someone who trained directly under someone of that culture.
6. Consider the effectiveness of the martial art as well. For example, a modern martial art such as Krav Maga (Israeli), reconstructed Western Martial Arts such as ARMA or the AES (European) or classes led by experienced soldiers or police officers will place a greater emphasis on the "martial" aspect rather than the "art." This is not to say that traditional Asian arts are less important; It may take longer to learn basic self defense this way as many Eastern arts are about developing more than just basic self-defense skills. If you are willing to spend the time to fully train in many different styles you will ultimately learn to defend yourself much better than if you train at a mixed martial art school. But if your sole concern is martial efficacy and the ability to defend yourself 'on the street', the physical and mental effort required to develop those skills have to be weighed up against the effort required to purchase a can of Mace or become proficient with a small, legally obtained, manageable weapon.
7. Decide when to join. Sit in as a polite observer before joining a class, if you wish, although for some it is better to just jump straight in there, choose what works best for you.
8. Decide whether or not the teaching style suits your personality. If you are looking to learn practical martial arts, does the class encourage or allow beginners to get involved in sparring or "free-play" or is this reserved for more advanced students who have spent more time and money at the dojo?
   • Realize also that beginner sparring, even if encouraged, should be more restricted than the more experienced students because beginners do not usually have sufficient control of their strikes to effectively reduce the chance of injury.
9. Take note of the students at your school, and the way they interact with each other and their seniors. Are they friendly and receptive? Are they respectful? Would you consider them to be friends? You're going to be spending significant amounts of time with them, so it is important to understand their personality, as well. You'll also be putting your safety in their hands; if that makes you uncomfortable, keep looking.
10. Check the teacher's qualifications. Don't worry so much about degrees and certificates; there are no universal grading standards and no universally-recognized governing body in martial arts. What's important is:
    • Who did this person learn from?
    • How long did he or she study with this person?
    • How long has he/she practiced this art?
    • Does the teacher have any experience as a teacher, or is he or she simply a skilled martial artist? Just like great football players can make bad coaches (and vice versa), great martial artists are not necessarily great teachers.
11. Set aside a significant amount of time each week to dedicate to your training. Most arts have exercises or forms you can practice at home to keep it all fresh in your mind; if you only practice at class, your progress will probably be stunted. "We come to class to learn. We train at home."
    
    
    

Tips

• Be aware when looking at your local schools that many teachers will tell you that their school/system is the best. There are many martial artists that are very loyal to their arts and will be negative if you express interest in another art. Be careful if this happens; they probably are not the best instructors if they do not show respect for others in this way.
• Rather than focusing on a specific art, it may be better to find the best teacher in your area, and study whatever he or she is teaching. As the months go by, the frustration of long travel times to and from class can lead to quitting early.
• Understand that arts established in modern times and founded by one person (e.g. Aikido, Judo) will have a more consistent curriculum than older arts practiced by multiple teachers (e.g. Karate, Wushu, Tai Chi). If you plan to travel, move around, or would like to practice in different cities, take this into consideration. A black belt in one Karate school is not necessarily recognized by another, even within the same styles (e.g. Shotokan, Wado-Ryu, Goju-Ryu), because of the art's eclectic tradition, but Judo groups usually follow the same training guidelines as its founder.
• Review the grading methods and fees involved in a school before joining. Most schools have adopted the Japanese black belt grading system (developed for Judo in the 1880s), but what's required to earn black belt can vary widely, and some schools can charge hundreds of dollars for black belt degrees. You need to decide whether or not it's worth it to you; remember, a black belt degree has no meaning outside the school that awarded it. If you have a third-degree black belt in a Shotokan Karate school and join a Goju-Ryu Karate school, you may be a white belt again, and will certainly have to start at a lower rank.
• Avoid schools that have advanced degree requirements that their own founders would not qualify for. The degree inflation that has developed since the 1960s is a result of egotism and commerce. For example, if it takes 30 years of training to earn the highest degree in the school, and yet the school's founder only trained directly under his or her teacher for 5 years, ask why. It could be that the founder trained 4 hours a day every day as a live-in disciple, and you only go to class 2 hours a week; or it could be that the school's teaching methods are inefficient.
• If you're learning a martial art for self defense, keep in mind that on the street no one cares what color your belt is. Schools that tout "we are a black belt school" or "black belt in 1 year" are just trying to sell you on a marketing idea. They are not actually interested in developing you as a martial artist.
• When you shop around for a martial art school, go to the advanced classes to watch and watch the "top" students. How well do they fit into the goals that you have for learning martial arts? If you don't like how the "top" students have turned out, find another school.
• Be aware that some martial arts styles encompass concepts and practices involving the body's energy, called "ch'i" (also spelled "qi", both pronounced: CHEE), or "ki" (KEY) in Japanese. Examples may include using your body's energy to heal or protect yourself, or to blend with an attacker's energy to overcome or control him. If such concepts raise concerns involving your personal spirituality, you may wish to find another style.
• Learn the vocabulary of your art. Keep in mind that many arts use the word "karate" as a generic term, when among martial artists it refers specifically to an empty-handed art of self-defense which developed in Okinawa, Japan in the 1300s and became a sport in mainland Japan in the 1930s and it can be offensive to some martial artists to call their art "karate" because you don't have to work for 10+ years to get a black belt. Likewise "kung-fu" (or gongfu) is a generic term for "training" or "hard work," and does not itself define a Chinese style, such as Wuzuquan, Hung Gar, or Choy Li Fut.
• If you are really interested in martial arts to defend yourself, take an art specifically designed to do so such as American Kenpo Karate, Hapkido, Aikido, Brazilian Jiu-Jitsu, Jeet Kune Do, Ninjutsu or Muay Thai. Sport-based Karate, kickboxing and Tae Kwon Do focus more on earning points in competition- if and when a fight goes to the ground, which happens quite often, you will have hardly any training or none at all with which to defend yourself.
• Traditional styles of Kung Fu such as Wing Chun, Hung Gar, etc. are not designed to teach you to fight in the ring. You can and will learn exceptional self defense in these systems, but it will take a good long while before your basics are solid enough to have any impact in a combative situation. You can often train in a traditional style while also training in boxing/kickboxing to develop a better ring fighting style if you wish - but the old saying goes that if you chase two rabbits for your lunch, you will go hungry ...
• Remember that there are no superior martial arts, just superior martial artists. All arts have strengths and weaknesses. All arts deal with the human body, with two legs and two arms, and most arts have figured out how to use this form well.
• If possible, watch a test at the school you are interested in studying at, so that you understand what the requirements really are. While some schools require their students to work hard to earn each rank, other schools may give a student rank whether they have really earned it or not, because schools make money by testing students and keeping them in the program. If you want to feel like you've earned your rank, avoid these schools, because even if you worked hard and mastered the techniques at a particular level, the person next to you can wear the same belt and not know much more than when they started.
• If you are on a tight budget, check with the nearest college or university or recreation department. Depending on whether they can use school facilities, and whether the instructors volunteer or are paid, student martial arts clubs may charge lower or no fees, and you may not have to be a student at their school in order to participate.

Warnings

• Martial arts teachers are not necessarily sports physiologists or trained educators. If some form of training keeps injuring you and the teacher will not modify it to suit your body, quit the class. If you're not able to understand or learn at a reasonable pace, find a new teacher. Even a great teacher is not necessarily the best teacher for every student.
• Martial Sports (e.g. Olympic TaeKwonDo, Japanese Karate, Wushu, and Judo) have a higher injury rate than traditional or self-defense martial arts (e.g. Traditional TaeKwonDo, Aikido, Tai Chi, Okinawan Karate). It is common for people to practice Martial Sports in their teens and early twenties, then shift to traditional arts.
• Teachers may insist on being called sensei or sifu or master, according to their training and school's tradition. It may be sufficient in some schools to call the teacher Mr./Mrs. So-and-so or Sir/Ma'm, as with any teacher in any class. 'Sensei' is a term of high respect in Japan (similar to "Dr." in the US), and roughly translates to "honored teacher" (or more literally 'someone who has gone before' as in a more experienced person) in Japanese. If the teacher deserves your respect, by all means use the title he/she prefers. Using it also shows respect for the school's customs. If you feel the teacher does not deserve the respect the title implies, choose another school.
• Never teach your own art in another teacher's school unless you are sufficiently advanced and the teacher asks you to do so. If you're there as a student, act as a student. That's just good manners.

Source: www.wikihow.com

How to Put on an Aikido Gi

It's three minutes until your aikido class, you've forgotten how to put on your dogi. To avoid this situation, print off this page and have it with your aikido gi.

1. Put the pants on first, as these are pretty much the hardest part. First, you pull on the pants, like khakis or jeans.
2. Depending on what kind of gi you have, you may have a tie-thing going around your waist like an elastic on regular pants. If you do, there should be a loop at the front of your waist. Wrap the tie-thing around your waist once. Then pull the tie-thing through the loop and tie a bow, like on shoes. If you are thin or are expecting a strenuous workout, double-knot it to be safe.
3. Wrap your shirt around you like a bathrobe, with the "left" side in front. The right side is only in front when people are buried in their dogi.
4. Hold the belt up by the middle and make it so that both ends are equal. Then, press it against the front of your waist. Here's where it starts to get tricky. Wrap the right end of the obi (belt) around you, and tuck it under the other end. Now wrap the side which is now the right, (which way)around yourself and slip the end under and up of the now double-layered area. Cross the right side of the belt under the left and then over the left, and pull tight. You should have a tight square knot.

 Source: www.wikihow.com

How to Perform a Forward Roll in Aikido

Onegai shimasu. The forward roll is a basic evasive technique of Aikido, once learned, a trainee can it to evade oncoming attacks, escape certain joint locks, and much more. Rolling can be perform with either of the legs forward, but for this HowTo-, we'll start with the left leg.

1. Stand with your left leg in front and your right leg behind you.
2. Lower yourself to one knee, with your left knee raised and your right foot behind you. Try and keep your right toes pressed to the ground, instead of the top of your right foot. This is referred to as "live toe", and will become important for more advanced ukemi.
3. Rotate your right leg so that your foot ends up behind your butt.
4. Lean your left shoulder down obliquely in front of you.
5. Place your left arm, slightly rounded, in front of you with the blade of the hand towards the ground. Round your right arm down to almost touch your left. They should form a circle.
6. Turn your head down and look behind you, under your right armpit. Your head will maintain this position through the roll.
7. Slowly overbalance yourseld forward, until you lose balance. The first part of your body to touch the groundf should be your hand blade. You will be rolling from the blade of your hand up your arm, across your left shoulder, and onto your right hip. It is thusly important that your left arm be strong enough to support your weight, but not locked out or rounded. It takes practice.
8. Roll.
9. You should return to a position similar to that in which you started- with your left knee up and your right down.
10. Rotate your right foot back to natural, and stand.
11. In time you will be able to combine these movements.

Tips

• Practice in dojo with a sensei!!!
• Visual aid from aikidoferret.com[1]
• Don't look for or worry about contact with the floor because it's there and not going anywhere.
• Make sure to exhale.
• You should never be rolling OVER your neck- that is a gymnastics roll, and is damaging to the body.

Warnings

• Perform at your own risk, and under the supervision of a qualified instructor. Performed properly, even very powerful throws can be easily taken. Performed improperly, injury can easily result.

 Source: www.wikihow.com

How to Escape a Katate Dori (wrist Hold) in Iwama Ryu Aikido

This can be done anywhere, anytime and it's a very simple, yet effective self-defense technique.

1. If an assailant grabs your left wrist with their right hand or your right wrist with their left hand, this technique can be used.
2. Relax your whole body while preparing to escape when they least expect.
3. Rotate your wrist like you're taking a drink (this shape is called kokyu), but obviously don't bring your grabbed arm to your mouth!
4. Make a fist. If you grab your wrist yourself right now and make one, you'll find that the grabbing fingers will spread slightly.
5. Swiftly flick your trapped arm obliquely away from your attacker. You should be pulling against their thumb, sideways.
6. Walk away if need be.

Tips

• With a little practice in coordination, you can slip through your attacker's grasp like water.
• This is almost certain to work on any person regardless of his or her strength.

Warnings

• Because you have not incapacitated the attacker, he/she may initiate another attack so be warned.
• If there is a situation on the street where you need to use it, don't think "I must do THIS move!" If something else comes out, like a punch to the face or a throw, go with it.

 Source: www.wikihow.com

How to Have the Perfect Sunday

1. Sleep till noon.
2. Wake up slowly, slip into some sweats.
3. Make yourself a bowl of cereal. Have several. Be indulgent.
4. Pick two classic movies. (For example: Ferris Buellers' Day Off, or Flash Dance, depending on your taste.)
5. Take a long, hot shower.
6. Play an hour of Mario-Kart in your towel.
7. Get some clothes on.
8. Go outside, get some fresh air.
9. Watch football.
10. Do laundry.
11. Make a big, delicious dinner.
12. Read a good book.

Tips

• If for some reason you are unable to complete 1-11, at least do 12.

Warnings

• Watch out for people who will try to tell you, you have to work on Sundays. They're very wrong.

Source: www.wikihow.com

How to Discipline a Child According to Age

There are as many philosophies about how to discipline a child as there are parents. However, it is always important to match the disciplinary approach to the child's age. Children will respond to certain methods more readily at certain developmental stages than at others.

1. Understand the development stage your child is going through. One of the challenges of parenting is that you're dealing with an individual who is growing and changing. Read a good theory-based parenting book to familiarize yourself with what may be age appropriate for your child and some good basic parenting guidelines. "Parenting with Love and Logic" is good. "Systematic Training for Effective Parenting (STEP)" is also good.
2. Build a foundation for good behavior. If you do your work up front, things will most likely be easier down the road. It's never too early to learn how to provide effective discipline. If you're like a lot of people, though, you may not start thinking about it until you run into problems. If this is the case, don't despair; Better late than never. You should understand, however, that it will take some time to turn things around.
3. Understand Brain Development. Understanding your child's development is crucial for developing good skills. The effectiveness of your discipline will vary depending on the developmental age of the child:
   • Birth to two At birth the part of the brain which controls impulses (the frontal lobe right behind the forehead) is immature. A huge amount of brain development occurs from birth to two years old.
   • Under one year of age there really isn't any disciplining you can be doing with your child.
     • Focus on meeting the needs of your developing child and trying to foster a secure attachment by being sensitive to cues for feeding, hygiene, sleep, and interaction.
     • Focus on safety. From one to two years old, safety is a primary concern. A firm no and physically moving the child is appropriate when the child is going somewhere, or touching something that isn't safe for them, followed up by correcting whatever deficiency in the environment that allowed the child access to the unsafe situation. If a child this young is getting into something or going somewhere inappropriate, it's your fault, not the child's. At this stage in your child's development it's the child's job to be curious about the world and try to learn everything he/she can. You can't expect to tell a child this age something and have it obeyed. The part of the brain responsible for controlling behavior in this way is still developing.
   • From two years to six years brain development continues. The corpus callosum (connects the two hemispheres) develops and allows the child to process more information. Myelination also continues resulting in increased physical coordination.
     • As the child's verbal abilities increase, you can explain more things to the child.
     • The child still requires repetition to remember things so it is important to be patient and willing to repeat things.
     • Keep in mind that young children may not always understand the complete meanings of words. Use concrete, real-life examples to help children understand.
     • Your child's expanding verbal abilities are going to be increasingly important. (This is where parents of children with disabilities have an extra challenge.)
     • Encourage children to use words to express why they are upset (rather than acting out).
     • Start to take the time to listen when your child is trying to tell you something. Emotional regulation and impulse control are still developing. Parents should not expect perfection.
     • This is a time when the choice between being with everyone if the child can behave or taking a break somewhere else to calm down might be appropriate.
   • Children from two to six years old are trying to develop their skills and coordination. They want to participate. They want to do the same things they see older children or adults in their lives doing. Be patient with them. Messes may happen. If possible, let them help you do things like dishes or make dinner. Their lack of coordination may mean that their work doesn't look as good as yours, but you will be helping them develop a sense of accomplishment. Physical activity is important. If you're having a lot of behavior problems with your child, maybe your child could benefit from some more physical activity? A family trip to the park is always fun.
   • Six to twelve. Physical development slows (comparatively) during this period. is not as fast from ages six to eleven as it was during the earlier years.
     • Continue to have a good routine and consistent expectations.
     • Share with your children why you have the rules that you do.
     • Family meetings to discuss family business are a good idea.
     • Listen to your children's input.
     • Let your kids have input into what the rules are. Some responsibilities around the house are a good idea.
     • Some kind of a system for an allowance is a good idea. ##**The kids should be allowed to be making some more choices for themselves than when they were younger.
     • Having consequences for inappropriate behavior is still important. Loosing TV, computer, or video game privileges are all appropriate.
     • If you're just starting to implement some discipline methods or you're changing from less effective methods and your kids are in this age range, it's going to take some time. Realize that your children have gone years at this point under a different system. You need to focus on being consistent, persistent, and making sure all improper behavior has a consequence. This is a big change in your family and consulting a professional may not be a bad idea. Having support in what you're trying to do and a resource for ideas when things are at an impasse could be helpful.
   • From 13-18 years of age kids are developing physically and socially. There are a lot of changes going on. As far as discipline goes, you should continue having consistent rules and consequences. Hopefully by now children have had opportunities to make some choices and experience the consequences. Healthy communication skills and understanding what style of parenting you want to use are going to be important. If children haven't had the chance to make choices, it is likely they are going to start doing it now. If you are having problems and are just starting to look into discipline, my advice about consulting a professional is doubled at this age. This is late in the game to be looking at doing something. Don't get discouraged and just give up, however. You still have the opportunity to have a positive impact in your child's life. Any lessons they can learn now about how the consequences of their choices will affect their future will benefit them in their adult lives.

Tips

• Understand and memorize' the discipline mnemonic which comes directly from the book "Parenting Young Children", (STEP, page 94):
  • D-I-S-C-I-P-L-I-N-E:
    • D-distract the child
    • I-ignore misbehavior
    • S-structure the environment
    • C-control the behavior
    • I-involve the child
    • P-plan time for loving
    • L-let go
    • I-increase your consistency
    • N-notice positive behavior
    • E-excuse the child with a time-out.
• Always remain calm and be prepared to repeat yourself. Repetition and consistency is the name of the game when it comes to small children. Being tired or hungry can cause a lot of crankiness in young children.
• Be a good example. Do you want your child to say please and thank you? Make sure your child sees you saying please and thank you in all your interactions. (Even with them.) Do you want your child to remain calm when things don't go according to plan? Make sure they see you doing that yourself.
• One thing learned from having a child with Asperger's Syndrome is to never create a vacuum. Telling a child not to do something doesn't always mean they will be able to think of something else to do which is acceptable on their own. (The child may then become frustrated and have a tantrum.)
• Offer other acceptable options when telling a child to stop doing something you don't like. If a toddler has something which you don't want them to have, take it away but give the child an acceptable toy in return. (Then get the object out of sight.)
• The STEP books encourage parents to say 'yes' as much as possible. If the child wants something which isn't acceptable, try to find a way to offer something that is.
• Give the child choices. Start with small choices when the child is young and allow the child more choices as they grow. (From "Parenting with Love and Logic".) The basic goal of parenting is to raise responsible adults who make good choices. They aren't magically going to become that way if they haven't been able to make any choices as they grow up.) A young child may be allowed to make the choice to be carried to bed or to walk on his/her own. An older child may be allowed to choose what clothes to wear that day.
• Be prepared to make the choice for the child if they are unable or unwilling to make the choice in the difficult situation.
• Learn about parenting styles. Your child will make their own choices about behavior which will ultimately be their responsibility. You can influence your child's behavior by how you interact with them. Are you going to be the parent who is always bailing a child out of problems? Are you going to be the parent who is a dictator in the house and always telling everyone what to do? Research seems to support a style where children can make choices but also experience the consequences. In order to have influence over someone else's behavior, it is a good idea to examine your own. The parenting books mentioned above cover this ground.
• Learn and practice healthy communication skills. Learn how to be a good listener and empathize. If your child is having a hard time do you empathize with how upset they are or do you tell them to just be quiet? It's possible to be empathetic while enforcing rules. The parenting books mentioned above cover this ground. A book titled "People Skills" by Robert Bolton is good for teaching communication skills.
• All behavior occurs in order to meet some kind of want or need. These needs may be met in productive or unproductive ways. If you can try to understand what need your child is trying to fill perhaps you can find a way to help your child meet that need with a more productive behavior. The idea is to replace behaviors you don't want to have happen with behaviors that are acceptable (give choices for acceptable alternatives).
• Teach children the rules and expectations up front. They can't follow a rule if they don't know about it. If a situation comes up where things don't happen the way you would like but it may not have been clear to the child what you wanted, use the opportunity to teach. Go over with the child what you would like to have happen in the future.
• It will happen that either you or your child are upset. Most people have heard of the fight or flight response. When things don't go as expected the fight or flight response can be activated. (This is part of the unconscious nervous system known as the sympathetic nervous system.) Physical clues this has happened are increased heart rate and a tight feeling in the stomach. Chemical messengers released into the blood are responsible for these physical changes. It takes time for these chemical messengers to be metabolized and deactivated after they're released. There really isn't much point in trying to reason with someone when they're upset. (It's like trying to have a reasonable conversation with someone who is intoxicated.) If possible, taking a 20 minute break will allow everyone to calm down and makes for better problem solving. Giving your children the time to calm down or taking the time yourself before dealing with an issue will teach them a valuable skill in dealing with feelings that will benefit them their entire lives.
• Time outs are mostly for calming down, not for punishment. Limiting time outs to 1 minute for each year of age seems to be a good guideline.
• Myelination of the nerve fibers is what allows an individual to consciously control their muscles. Potty training before two years old is not recommended because there is typically not enough myelination to allow the child to control the bladder.

Warnings

• Abusive behavior includes hitting, slapping, yelling, and calling names. Avoid these behaviors. If you live in an environment where these things take place it is going to affect your child and their behavior. Why do people use these methods? Because they are immediately effective in the short term. The drawback is that they have negative side effects. The relationship where these tactics are used becomes damaged. These methods may result in children who are overly aggressive.
• Don't offer choices when there are none. Sometimes choices are not possible.
• Parenting is a partnership. Extreme viewpoints put the responsibility for a child's behavior either entirely on the shoulders of the parents or entirely on the shoulders of the child. There are many factors which come into play when it comes to behavior. Situations need to be looked at on a case-by-case basis. If you are experiencing extremes in behavior it is a good idea to consult a professional.

 Source: www.wikihow.com

How to Handle Your Child's Temper Tantrum

The only people who find temper tantrums amusing are a child's grandparents—because it’s finally payback time as they watch their grown children struggle helplessly with their own little monsters. Unfortunately, tantrums are a fact of life for anyone with young children. They usually start before age two, when children experiment with different ways to communicate with others and to get what they want. Tantrums become more infrequent around age four, but some children continue to “throw fits” for years after that—even into adulthood. Yikes! Don’t worry, though. While tantrums are unavoidable to some extent, you can prevent many of them and help your child learn better coping mechanisms by following some simple steps. This article will help you and your child navigate the tantrum years with your sanity intact.

1. Remain calm enough to handle the tantrum properly. The worst thing parents can do is have a temper tantrum over their child's temper tantrum. Children need a calming influence, especially during a tantrum, and if you can’t provide that, you can’t expect them to calm down. Take a few deep breaths and wait at least a few seconds before deciding on a response.
2. Remember that your child's tantrum is NOT necessarily a way to "get his way", but could be the result of frustration, lack of needed attention from you, or even a physical problem, like pain or digestive problems! The lack of a place to nap is a common cause of tantrums (Ever notice how many kids you see having them around 3 PM in stores! It's NAP TIME, but Mommy would rather shop!). Don't set yourself up! Schedule activities around your child's needs.
3. Offer your child a choice of coping strategies. For example, your son wants ice cream, but it's too close to dinner. Say: "Johnny, you're really getting upset now. Calm down or you'll have to go to your room." You have given him a choice -- either control himself or, if he can't, retreat to a place where he won't influence others. If he makes the right choice (to calm down), remember to compliment him: "You asked for ice cream and I said no. I want to thank you for taking no for an answer." Conversely, have consequences and enforce them if he chooses to get upset. Guide him to his room and firmly insist that he remain there until he calms down, for example. This is easier with a two-year-old than with an eight-year-old, so the younger you begin the learning process the better.
4. Stem your own rising frustration level. Tantrums can raise blood pressure and stress levels in parents as well as children. If you really can’t handle a tantrum, make sure the child will be safe and spend a few moments away from him or her. The time-out has a calming effect for both of you. Get your spouse or other responsible person to look after the child while you calm down. Put your child in his or her room with a gate in front of the door if necessary.
5. Try to determine the cause of the tantrum. Tantrums can be triggered by a number of things, and the cause of the tantrum should help determine your response to it. If a tantrum is caused by hungriness or sleepiness, you should feed the child or allow him or her to take a nap as soon as possible. If the tantrum is triggered by frustration or fear, you need to comfort your child. If the child feels ignored, spend some quality/quantity time with him, playing or reading, etc. If, however, your child is acting up because he or she can’t get his or her way…
6. Do not reward the tantrum. If the parents give in, tantrums become a launching point for the child—a way to deal with the world socially. If you allow yourself to be held hostage by tantrums, your child will continue to use them long past the age when they would otherwise cease. Even if the child is throwing a fit because he hasn’t received enough attention, don’t reward the behavior now. Instead, resolve to make long-term changes to avoid future outbursts. Try not to panic or make concessions, but leave the scene, even if just for a few minutes. Go to the crying room at church—that’s what it's there for, after all—to the car, or even to the restroom to allow your child and you to regain control.
7. Take steps to prevent injury. Some children can become quite animated during a tantrum. If this occurs, remove dangerous objects from the child’s path or steer the child away from danger. Try to avoid restraining a child during a tantrum, but sometimes this is necessary and comforting. Be gentle (do not use excessive force), but hold him or her firmly. Speak reassuringly to the child, especially if the tantrum is the result of disappointment, frustration, or unfamiliar surroundings.
8. Explain to the child that you will talk to him or her when he or she calms down. This will help your child to understand that you are ignoring her because her behavior is unacceptable, not because you don’t care about her. When the child calms down, fulfill your part of the bargain by discussing the tantrum and the child’s concerns.
9. Avoid trying to reason with any child who is in the middle of a full-blown tantrum, especially in a public place. Give him or her time to vent. Instead, give the child phrases to express the emotions that they are experiencing. Say phrases like, "You must be really tired after such a long day," or, "You must feel frustrated that you can't have what you want right now." This not only will help the child verbalize this later, but shows empathy for their feelings without having to give in.
10. Discuss the behavior with your child once the tantrum has ended. While there’s no use trying to reason with a child in the midst of a tantrum, you both can learn a lot by discussing the incident afterwards. Explain that the behavior is unacceptable, but also make sure your child understands that you love him or her regardless. Try to discover the cause of the tantrum if you haven’t already, and take the opportunity to discuss better alternatives with your child.
11. Do not discipline physically eg by smacking your child. This conveys three unhelpful messages:  
    1. That you are out of control.
    2. That hitting is an acceptable behavior.
    3. That feelings should be suppressed and not vented (a toddler is expressing feelings in the only way they are able).

    
    

    Tips

    • Have a plan: When facing a trouble spot, such as the grocery store's checkout counter, discuss the situation with your child ahead of time. For example: "(child's name), the last few times we've had trouble at the checkout counter. From now on, here's what we'll do: When you get to the checkout counter, I'll let you choose a package of gum IF you can behave yourself until then. If you scream and yell because you want more, then you won't be able to have any gum. Now, (your child's name), tell me what we're going to do?" (Child should then repeat the directions back to you.) Once the plan is understood by both of you, there's no need to explain it all again at checkout time. If (child's name) behaves, he/she will be rewarded as planned; if not, he/she loses out. He/She already knows the rules.
    • It should be noted that children with developmental difficulties may not always understand verbal instructions. Children with developmental challenges can sometimes even repeat back the instructions but still have difficulties turning those instructions into actions. If you experience this, try making a visual chart of what you would like to have happen. Cut pictures out of magazines or draw a chart with stick figures and go over it with the child. The child may understand better if he/she can see the pictures in addition to the verbal instructions.
    • Children need both positive and negative reinforcement. While it may be good idea to offer a pack of gum if the child behaves in the checkout line, they also need to understand that a punishment for misbehaving will also be in effect.
    • Set your child up to succeed, not to fail. For instance, if you know that it's already been a long day and she hasn't eaten since lunchtime, maybe wait until the next morning to go to the grocery store. If that's not an option, try to engage your child while shopping, and get in and out quickly. Remember how small they are and that they're just still learning to be patient!
    • If you're in a public place, sometimes the best solution is simply to leave, even if you have to carry your child kicking and screaming. Remain calm, and remember that your child is behaving from a place of huge emotions, not reason.
    • A tantrum is not manipulation unless you let it become that. And often, the tantrum isn't even really about what just happened most recently; it can be the release of pent-up frustration over days' worth of the struggles of trying to do the right thing, and learning to be a socialized little person.
    • Final word, never yell at or speak harshly to your child when you want them to stop throwing a tantrum. Explain to them what they are doing, why you do not approve, and suggest another way to express themselves. For example, "Sean, you are screaming and hitting, and that's not good. When you scream and hit, it makes other people very upset. I want you to stop screaming and hitting, and talk to me. I want to know what bothers you, but I can't listen to your words if you are screaming."

    
    

    Warnings

    • Don't beat your child. If you choose to employ corporal punishment do so calmly and responsibly. Always educate yourself on the laws regarding corporal punishment where you live beforehand.
    • Don't frequently rely on providing a distraction (like the gum) to get a young child out of a tantrum. Teach the child not to throw tantrums, and he or she will more quickly develop other coping mechanisms. However, some kids may have tantrums, due to being more excitable or emotional. Just like adults, some kids are calm, whereas others are more dramatic. A good tantrum releases pent-up energy, frustration, anger and other emotions. It's natural. If you teach kids to "bottle up" their emotions, it creates adults who can't express their feelings!
    • Don't expect behavior that's not age-appropriate. As the parent, you don't have to accept rude or hurtful behaviors and you should set limits, but be aware of what is normal for the age of your child. Remember that the phases will pass, and your job is to guide and love your child through them, not to force them to the next phase.
    • Don't cave in just to avoid embarrassment, which also teaches the child to perform for a crowd. Although parents feel as though all eyes are upon them, when their child acts up in public, the reality is most onlookers are saying, "Go for it," when they see parents setting reasonable limits for their child.
    • Never surrender to your child (during a tantrum), this is a sign that they have won and that they have control. Learn to handle them at home, and you will have fewer occasions to be embarrassed in a public place. You might try "giving in" to them on small issues, which gives them a feeling of greater control, thus reducing tantrums, when they see that being CALM gets rewards!
    • If you've tried the strategies listed in this article but you're still experiencing frequent tantrums, it may be time to seek professional help in understanding your child and knowing how to work with him/her. Children with developmental or other difficulties may require the skills and expertise of a specialist. Explain to the professional what you and your child are experiencing. Take an article like this with you and show the professional what tactics you've been trying and tell how they've worked. The professional may have other suggestions or may recommend further evaluation.

 Source: www.wikihow.com

How to Be a Cool Mom

Being a cool mom doesn't mean to set your kids free without boundaries, but it is important to give your kids room to move and learn things for themselves. This will help you to enjoy parenting and help your children to enjoy being raised. It's a win-win situation.

1. Let them speak, try to understand them and listen to them.
2. Let's say your kid got a boyfriend or girlfriend. Try to face it well and make sure you talk to your kid about it and motivate them with it. But of course, make sure to tell your kid not to trust all people of the opposite sex.
3. Sometimes let them throw a party, when you think that's all right, but tell them that's on condition that they don't do anything that you wouldn't like, as doing drugs, drinking alcohol or sex.
4. Make sure they know that they can speak up and give their opinions about your family life, but not to control YOUR life. For example: let them know if you have met someone interesting.
5. You could raise their allowance when they do something you think they deserve.
6. Give your kids a break, don't stress them with too much pressure about anything . But sometimes talk to them about school and others of his responsibilities, and make sure you show that you really believe in your kid's potential.
7. Always give affection, such as a kiss or a warm hug, but try to not suffocate them.
8. Try to comfort your kids in the best way when they have a problem, show that you're there to help and try to know their problems and don't get upset in any case, but try to help in the nicest, most responsible and fairest way as possible. Learn to listen to your kids.
9. Ask your kids about what makes them embarrassed, so you could make a list of things that you should avoid to do to don't make your kid embarrassed in front of others.
10. Make suggestions, and don't demand that they do something. I.e., "Ugh. your room is really REALLY messy today. Would it harm anyone just to create a path of little resistance on the floor?" is better than, "Clean up your room now or you're grounded."
11. don't let the only time you speak to your kids the time when you yell at them because that is the person they will always remember you as.
12. inspire them!
13. Never, ever say in response to a reported bullying "Just ignore them". This never helps!

Tips

• Be a good listener.
• Try to be always calm and nice, but still be firm and put authority without being aggressive.
• Give your kids a chance and don't stress them.But make sure you show them what's right to do, but let them speak up and give their opinion.
• Sometimes, have a peaceful conversation with your kids and try to solve any problem. Like, if someone is doing something the other person doesn't like it. Make sure you have a conversation with them, so you and your kids can come up with good ideas to make your life better and more peaceful.
• in their teens use good judgment but also have a little faith and trust them, give them some freedom. they are good kids, you raised them so,they should be!
• always cook a separate dish for your rebellious vegan kid so she has something to eat at dinner.
• The word is cool, so be cool in the sense like don't freak out or panic or jump the gun
• Give them cheese! Kids love cheese =)

Warnings

• Let them have freedom in moderation, set limits to them, but don't be over protective sure they're your kids but they aren't babies you need to let them make their own mistakes.
• If you have any argument with your kid, try to play it cool, understand his or her side and don't scream. Just calm down.
• Try not to do what you wouldn't like your kids to do. For example, going out with someone and coming back home too late. Your kids will think that's unfair and will do that. Try to make any rule you set to them, be a little of yours. Think of your kids.
• set rules and stick to them, consistency is key! If he's grounded for a weekend really make sure that your point gets across or else they will know you don't mean business.

 Source: www.wikihow.com

How to Make Every Day Mother's Day

Sometimes the best thing a Mom can do for her family is give them a more refreshed and revitalized Mom. These self-care ideas are simple, but provide new energy for the work and joy of motherhood. Build a little Mother’s Day into every day.

1. Let children help. Children take joy in giving and being helpful participants too. They can help you take time for yourself as well as lend a hand to household chores. Tiny hands give nice hand and foot massages. Letting a child brush your hair feels very relaxing. Ask your child to take Mom for stroll. Depending on their ages, children can help prepare dinner, fold and sort laundry, put away silverware or wash and dry dishes. They’ll be proud. You’ll be pleased.
2. Plant a bulb and watch it grow. This is a simple activity with an important purpose. Time is one of the biggest stresses of Motherhood. Children seem to grow up in a heartbeat. It’s important to allow time for reflection and observation along the way. Watching a new bulb sprout, grow and bloom serves as a reminder of the similar, everyday progress in your child’s life.
3. Keep a Mother’s Journal. As a Mom, no one gives you a positive performance review or a raise, but it’s important to acknowledge your achievements. Capture your successes by keeping a journal. Write daily, weekly or whenever the mood strikes. Record your experiences so you can celebrate your accomplishments. Write about the funny or frustrating things your children do. Tell what you have learned as a Mother. When you need a pick me up, read about a favorite hug, gift or moment in your child’s life.
4. Read the Tao of Motherhood. This book by Vimala McClure is written in short passages that provide quick inspiration in harried moments. When raising children feels like routine work, re-energize your emotional and spiritual connection to your child with this excellent read. The book offers gentle comfort when maintaining “World’s Greatest Mom” status overwhelms. Take a deep breath and remember every day is Mother’s Day. Honor the power of your love for your children.

 Source: www.wikihow.com