How to Defuse an Argument

At some point, most of us have been involved in a flaming row over something or other which, in retrospect, was about something rather unimportant. So, what can we do to defuse an argument, and dial down the anger or frustration in a tense situation? Here's how to settle things down quick.

1. Calm down. Breathe deeply from your diaphragm. Breathing shallowly from the chest won't help you relax.^[1] Tell yourself, in a soft voice, to "relax" or "take it easy" as you're breathing deeply. Another thing you can do is close your eyes and visualize a setting or memory that calms you, like lying in bed, or floating in water. If you find that you can't calm yourself down, leave. Tell the person "I'll be right back, I just need to relax a little, wait for me" and go for a walk, maybe even a run. Come back as soon as you're calm and collected.
2. Let go of being "right". Wanting to be right in an argument is the surest way to keep it going. People will argue about who's right and who's wrong for years if they don't decide to do something else with their energy. It's a no-win situation. There's an old saying: "Would you rather be right, or be happy?" Be Humble.
3. Agree to disagree. The quickest way to end any argument is to simply agree with the other person. If you agree with any part of their point, concede that point and try to let the argument dissipate. Otherwise, just say, "Well, Tim, I see what you're saying, but it's doubtful I'll ever get there with you. Let's just agree to disagree and move on, huh?" and let it drop. If Tim keeps beating that horse, walk away - tell a benign lie like, "I need to get a drink," or if Tim seems to want to follow you, try the very basic, "I need to go to the restroom."
   
   • In a relationship, this can be seen as an avoidance tactic, especially if the issue is somehow crucial to the relationship. If you have arrived at a stalemate situation, one way to bring it to close is to say "This is how I feel about the situation right now. You can either accept it, be upset about it, or break up with me, but I am not arguing about it anymore."
4. Practice Nonviolent Communication. This is a form of communication that avoids the use of guilt, humiliation, shame, blame, coercion, or threats. When you present your feelings in this format, it can be very hard for the other person to respond defensively.
5. Apologize. If there's anything you can possibly be sorry for, apologize for it. Even if you didn't do anything wrong, you can apologize for the way your actions or words affected someone. Sometimes an apology is enough to disarm a person's ego or frustration, or was what the person was looking for all along. Many times, an argument will fizzle as soon as a sincere apology is given.
6. Forgive. If there is anything the person did to upset or offend you, openly forgive them, even if they didn't apologize. Example: "Look, I was upset that you came over without calling first, because I thought it was rude. But I trust that you weren't trying to be rude, and maybe you just forgot to call, and I'll assume you'll call next time. Okay?"
7. Shift the focus to something positive. Suggest doing an activity you both enjoy together. At first, it might feel unnatural, but that's residual anger...let it go. Cheer Up and before you know it, the argument will be water under the bridge.

Tips

• Avoid extreme words. Words such as “always” or “never” are usually not true and using them can amplify the anger and cause the situation to worsen.

Warnings

• Some people may just want to pick fights, or engage in an argument. Recognize when this is the case, and walk away.
• Don't belittle the other person, or ridicule his or her opinion. Mockery isn't constructive, most people will simply resort to using the same kind of verbal weapons against you!

Source: www.wikihow.com